I know you wonder why I get so involved with washing my nether regions. Well let’s clear this up once and for all. It really isn’t complicated. I’m surprised you need it spelled out. Maybe if you tried it for yourself you’d understand.
1. I am bored. You leave me alone while you’re at work during the day and it isn’t like I have thumbs to play video games. I can’t even turn the TV on. Life get’s rough (or ruff) and let’s be honest I’m too old to tear things up like when I was a puppy, so what options do I have left?
2. It tastes good. I’m surprised you don’t know this about me. I am all about good taste.
3. It feels good, and if it feels good do it. I mean smarter people than me have advocated for this. It’s on bumper stickers, in the New York Times and those are just the sources that are at my eye level. Read something dude.
4. Habit, and habits are hard to break. Think about all the bad, horrible habits you have, this one is pretty benign. I mean give me a break; I don’t smoke, drink (booze), I don’t watch trashy television, unless you count Animal Planet, and chocolate is bad for me. So just let me have this one.
5. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Seriously when I go downtown, you’re all like stop, find something else to do. But what are you really preventing? Have you not listened to the CDC, they are all “wash your hands” all the time...same thing applies.
6. You won’t let me lick your face. I think this might be a reasonable exchange if you would really like me to stop licking myself. Have your people call my people to work out the details of such an agreement.
Frijol is a native of Asheville, NC. When he is not moonlighting as author extraordinaire he works as a Dog Tag Art office dog, keeping spirits high and stress levels low.